We’re all going to die. And while some of us don’t like to confront that notion head-on, there are productive ways to deal with how to handle death. Sophia Casa has the story.
We’re all gonna die. Literally. No one lives forever, so there will come a time when we each, individually, cease to exist.
And I don’t know about you, but to me, that’s a terrifying thought. And even though death happens all the time, I still find myself facing this sort of “death anxiety” about losing my family and friends, or even my own death. But I’m not the only one, as Nick Jenkins, a therapist at Counseling and Psychological Services at Northwestern, notes.
JENKINS: we all rationally understand it, but until you go through it, it hits differently
So how can we prepare ourselves for death or deal with it after the fact? How can we tackle the topic of death while still in life? Jenkins presents a possible first step.
JENKINS: I think part of it is recognizing that a lot of these things is normal. And those feelings that people have are normal because you’re going through something that is so huge
And sometimes, acknowledging those feelings may be enough for some people, which is great. But this isn’t an issue with a one-size-fits-all type solution. So where can you go from there?
KEISER: There’s a misconception that people who have had someone die, don’t want to talk about it, and we think that if we bring it up, we’re going to make things worse, and while that is true in some, some cases, almost always what I’ve found, especially after doing this, is that people really want to talk about that.
That’s Mel Keiser, an artist who works for Northwestern’s Departments of Art History and Classics. She also helped start the Death Studies research workshop here at Northwestern. The group looks to create a space to address the topics of death and dying with a focus on learning more about what death means and can look like.
KEISER: talking about it in these sort of academic settings is, it allows people to dip their toe into talking about death. And, um, just by talking about it and saying it out loud, it tends to make people feel better.
The group has hosted reading groups, talks with various professionals who dabble in death, and even made a trip over to the Field Museum to see Flesh Eating Beetles. They also have an upcoming event in Austin, Texas this May in which Keiser and others will perform a funeral procession with a casket. But the catch?
KEISER: There’s no specific body or object that’s in the casket so that people can come to mourn and grieve for whatever they need to mourn and grieve about.
So there are two other ways you can confront death: through an academic setting or through something more artistic. So again, if that works for you as a way to confront this big topic and the feelings associated with it? Great! But if not, there are still other avenues.
Another option is the death cafe. For those not familiar, death cafes originated in Switzerland around 2004. The goal of these events is to provide a space for group discussion about death without a sort of set agenda in a more relaxed atmosphere. And of course, cookies and tea and other typical cafe fare are also provided too.
Alejandro Salinas runs some death cafe events in the Chicago area.
SALINAS: Coming to a death cafe, people think it is very… it can be like morbid or depressing, um, and we’re often laughing and very curious and open and, um, expressive and appreciative of life.
While the topic may seem grim, death cafes are able to give people a safe space to process death and hear different perspectives which can then shift their own. And by having this space of reflection, people are able to take a look at what it means to live.
SALINAS: We talk so much about death, not because we’re morbid or anything, but because we love life so much. Um, and there’s so much to live for and be excited about.
After interviewing Salinas, I actually attended the death cafe event being held that night. And it was one of the most profound things I’ve ever experienced. It isn’t for everyone, but at least for me it helped me feel a bit better about my place in this world and appreciate all the people I have and the life I live. I got to hear what other people thought about death and the afterlife from their own experiences, which helped me shape my own perception of what it means to die. But more than anything else, it made me want to put more care into how I spend my time and to make sure I’m appreciating all I’ve been given.
But even if death cafes aren’t for you, Salinas points out that there are still a multitude of ways to demystify death.
SALINAS: Just having any question, you know, even, even as simple as asking about your grandparents, you know, getting stories of the dead, honoring the dead, remembering the dead, or taking a walk in a cemetery is a really easy, simple way.
At the end of the day though, death and our own relationship to it is a very personal thing. Nick Jenkins probably says it best
JENKINS: There’s no necessarily right way to grieve.
And yes absolutely it is a difficult thing to think about, but by confronting death and the question of what exactly it means to die head on, someone can feel less scared and less alone when it comes to dealing with this unknown.
Because yes, everybody dies. But everybody gets a chance to live too. And it’s up to us what we do with that precious time.
For WNUR News, I’m Sophia Casa.
(Music by Aylex)
