This Halloween, we reflect on the scariest phenomenon of them all: ghosting. Why did my future spouse cut off communication? Is this an appropriate way to break up with someone? Is my life over? Emily Yang compiles students’ experiences to offer a more comprehensive overview.
JUMPSCARES AND GORE PALE IN COMPARISON TO THE SCARIEST SOUND OF THEM ALL: SILENCE.
MANY OF US HAVE RETAKEN SNAPCHATS, RETHOUGHT TEXTS, AND TURNED FRIENDS INTO PROOFREADERS OF OUR MOST INTIMATE THOUGHTS, ONLY TO FIND OURSELVES ABRUPTLY CUT OFF FROM COMMUNICATION. WITH THE ADVENT OF SOCIAL MEDIA AND DATING APPS, GHOSTING HAS BECOME A RITE OF PASSAGE FOR GEN Z, WHETHER YOU’RE THE VICTIM OR THE PERPETRATOR.
FROM THE RECIPIENT’S END, GHOSTING INVOLVES THE SUDDEN AND UNEXPLAINED WITHDRAWAL OF COMMUNICATION IN A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP. IT’S NONSENSICAL, CONFUSING, AND ADMITTEDLY QUITE DAMAGING TO THE EGO. I HAD THE PRIVILEGE AND HORROR OF COMPILING GHOSTING STORIES FROM COLLEGE-AGE STUDENTS ACROSS THE COUNTRY, INCLUDING SEVERAL FROM NORTHWESTERN. HERE’S WHAT THEY HAD TO SAY.
[JC]: I liked this man during junior year, Joe. You know Joe.
[JO]: She met a boy on Tinder a couple years ago.
[JC]: He was being dry!
[CL]: When I got ghosted, I was mainly just confused.
[CC]: They weren’t looking for people like me.
[JO]: She really liked him.
[CL]: I was just … upset.
[JC]: The girl in my friend group? Like, are you serious?
[CL]: Because I didn’t think I did anything wrong.
[CC]: And so then I came to terms with it after a decent amount of time. [CL]: And honestly pretty butthurt.
[JC]: I had a crush and then, like, we kissed, and then he didn’t want to talk to me again. Was that ghosting?
TO MY SURPRISE, WHEN I ASKED FRIENDS AND PEERS TO PROVIDE EITHER STORIES OF BEING GHOSTED OR REASONS WHY THEY GHOSTED SOMEONE, THE LATTER RECEIVED MANY MORE SUBMISSIONS. THIS MAY BE MORE TELLING OF THE PEOPLE I SURROUND MYSELF WITH THAN THE PREVALENCE OF GHOSTING ITSELF. NEVERTHELESS, FROM THE MUNDANE TO EXTREME, HERE ARE VARIOUS INTERVIEWEES’ REASONS FOR CUTTING OFF CONTACT WITH ANOTHER INDIVIDUAL.
[NN]: I’ve definitely ghosted people before, not many, but a handful of people. [AL]: It was only someone I had seen, I don’t know, maybe once or twice. [GG]: I was at this club and I made out with this guy.
[AL]: I tend to do this thing where if I’m at a bar, I’ll get drunk and then I’ll kiss someone.
[KY]: I ghosted a boy because we had been talking for so long and I, like, stopped liking him.
[GG]: And then he asked for my phone number.
[NN]: For some reason, an intangible reason …
[GG]: In the morning, I found out he was 25 and I was 18 and I proceeded to not respond to his texts.
[NN]: He could have just done something weird or said something weird and my perception of them would immediately turn negative.
[KY]: I was also just kind of depressed.
[AL]: It wasn’t, like, an intentional or targeted ghost.
[AL]: And then the next morning, I just, like, won’t respond, and it’s happened lowkey a couple of times.
[KY]: And I left him on opened for five months.
[NN]: Removed as a follower, removed as a Snapchat friend, like, deleted their number, whatever it was …
[AL]: Also, I think I kind of like the anonymity of it. Just kind of having one memory that you leave in the past. There’s a sense of freedom in that.
WHETHER YOU CAME OFF TOO STRONG, HAD A SLIGHTLY CUTER BEST FRIEND, OR SIMPLY ENTERED ANOTHER’S LIFE AT THE WRONG TIME, REST ASSURED THAT IT’S NOT YOU, IT’S THEM. GHOSTING MAY BE A POWERFUL TOOL TO CUT OFF CONTACT IF YOU’RE UNCOMFORTABLE OR SIMPLY CAN’T SPILL YOUR FEELINGS. BUT WHEN DOES IT CROSS THE LINE?
[JO]: So this didn’t happen to me, but it happened to my friend. She met a boy on Tinder a couple years ago in December. Um, and they got along pretty well and then they were exclusive a couple months later. They were probably dating from February to June and they hung out, like, a lot. And she really liked him.
THE STORY YOU’RE HEARING NOW IS FROM A MUTUAL FRIEND WHOSE PARTNER COMPLETELY GHOSTED HER AFTER MONTHS OF DATING. UNLIKE THE PAST STORIES I’VE INCLUDED, THIS WASN’T JUST A ONE-NIGHT STAND OR AWKWARD WILL-WE-WON’T-WE THAT NEVER CAME TO FRUITION. THIS IS THE CRUELEST BREAKUP I COULD IMAGINE IN THE CONTEXT OF GHOSTING.
[JO] When she went back home, he barely talked to her. He was going through a hard time but she kept trying to reach out. She finally got ahold of him and they were planning on FaceTiming for the first time in weeks that night. When she went to call him, she saw that he — she was blocked. He blocked her on the phone! On Snapchat, and on Instagram! She made me add him on Snapchat and he added me right away. Their school is pretty big so she hasn’t seen him around at all.
IF YOU’RE GHOSTED, DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY. MAYBE THEY EXPERIENCED A PERSONAL TRAGEDY, MOVED ACROSS THE COUNTRY, OR DROPPED THEIR PHONE DOWN A STORM DRAIN. BUT IF THERE IS ONE THING TO TAKE AWAY FROM THE SPOOKIEST OF SEASONS, IT IS USUALLY BEST TO LET SOMEONE DOWN EASY. A SIMPLE TEXT WILL ALWAYS WORK. FOR WNUR NEWS, I’M EMILY YANG.
