Single in College: Lonely or Independent?

IT’S FITTING THAT TODAY, ELEVEN-ELEVEN, IS SINGLES DAY, ISN’T IT? INSPIRED BY CHINESE TRADITION, ALL THE ONES IN THE DATE REPRESENT A SET OF STICKS STANDING SIDE-BY-SIDE, ALONE. AND IF YOU’RE AN OPTIMIST…SURE. ALL THE ONES IN THE DATE REPRESENT YOUR INDIVIDUALITY OR SOMETHING.

BUT ON THIS SINGLES DAY, WHY NOT DIVE DEEPER INTO WHAT IT MEANS TO BE SINGLE. IS IT GOOD FOR US? HAS IT TAUGHT US ANYTHING? HOW DOES IT AFFECT OUR COLLEGE LIFE? 

TO HELP ME ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS, I ENLISTED THE HELP OF SOME SINGLES. THEY SAT DOWN WITH ME TO TALK ABOUT ALL OF THIS AND MORE…

John: Is everyone, is everyone ready?

Group: Yeah.

John: Okay. Okay. Lock in…Okay, ready? Here we are, roundtable, a bunch of single people, National Singles Day. So let’s go around, introduce ourselves – say your name, talk very briefly about your relationship history, have you dated before? If so, for how long? Who broke up with who? And also, on a scale of 1 to 10, rate how much you’d want to be in a relationship right now.

Lexi: My name is Lexi. I’ve been in two relationships, two official relationships. The longest one I want to say was three months. My desirability to…enter a relationship now is minimal. It’s probably at like a 4. I have never been dumped.

John: Okay, shout out you. Shout out you, I guess.

Samantha: I have been in three relationships, all of which for less than three months. I am a summer fling girl. I have ended two and one has been ended for me. Right now, I’m rating it about a five because I can see the pros and cons of both.

Reese: My name is Reese. I’ve been in one like more serious relationship. It was a mutual pre-college break up…my desire to be in a relationship is probably like a five or a six.

Virginia: I’m Virginia, I’ve been in two serious relationships. One was seven months and the other one was like six and a half months . And I was the dumpee and the dumper…current, current desire to be in a relationship is a ten out of ten.

Ava: My name is Ava. I’ve been in a few serious relationships. My most recent one was almost two years and it was a mutual breakup. And I’d say my desire to be in a relationship right now is probably a four or a five out of ten.

Brendan: I am Brendan. I have been in no relationships, I had like a week long situationship and that was about it. Current desirability to be in a relationship is an 8 or a 9.  I can see the pros and cons but at this point, I know what the pros and cons of single life are too. 

John: First one, just how do you think the college experience is impacted by being single?

Samantha: I think being single makes college a lot easier. Because there’s literally so much to do and it’s like with your social life, you have your friends in school and like outside activities, and there’s so much mental load on you that I think being single kind of alleviates a lot of that.

Ava: Yeah, I watched my ex go through like being with me while he was in college, and it just seemed really tough. It seemed like a lot on his plate especially with a long distance relationship and trying to balance all of that. So I think that being single in college just kind of frees your mind, frees your views, your time and lets you kind of grow as an individual before you meet someone else.

Lexi: I could see why being in a relationship, especially in college where it’s usually a bigger community than you’re used to in high school. It might be nice to have like one person to just like always be there for you and just have like a solid rock. But with that said, you can find that in friendships.

Reese: Yeah, I agree with Lexi. Deering is my boyfriend at this point.

John: Next question. Do you think people put too much emphasis on hooking up in college? Or do you think experimenting with different types of people has a sort of utility and learning about yourself and your interests in relationships?

Virginia: I feel like there’s a difference between hooking up and really experimenting and getting to know people. I think for me, hookup culture is something that can be very superficial. I think that there’s a lot of getting to know people, and possibly even romantic experimentation that starts off as like a platonic thing. And so I think that overall I think that there’s an overemphasis on like the superficiality that comes with and like also the No Strings Attached culture that comes with hooking up.

Ava: Yeah, I’m convinced a lot of people don’t actually enjoy hookup culture, and it just seems like something that we should do. And something that a lot of people fall into or one thing leads to another and all of a sudden you’re pressured into a situation you don’t really want.

Reese: I feel like hookup culture has a time and place but I’ve noticed that sometimes people will only want to participate in it in situations where it’s not necessarily the safest to do so like three shots deep in a bar.

Samantha: We’re in gender studies class, we’re talking about hookup culture. And what we’ve realized is that in hookup culture, men are seeking to validate their masculinity by demonstrating sexual prowess, but women are seen devaluing their femininity by proving that they can be desired. And so it’s like, at least in like heterosexual hookup culture, that’s kind of like an exchange going on and like Ava said, I don’t think that people genuinely want it just…to like have sex a bunch. 

Brendan: I think when Samantha has to say about people seeing hookup culture as like a validation for themselves for who they are for their gender identity. I think that’s a very good point. And I think that one of the reasons that might be so prevalent, especially in college is that a lot of people haven’t reached their full emotional maturity yet, and they think that having sex is the only way to validate themselves, especially coming from the male perspective. We’re not really taught to be emotionally healthy, you know, like, man up, do your job. Like, with men, oftentimes, it’s seen as though the one way that you can prove you’re a man that societally acceptable and doesn’t involve like physical violence is by hooking up with somebody and we see that a lot in pop culture, it’s better now than it was but still, like, the guy who hooks up all the time is often seen as like, the most important guy like Batman and Iron Man, two of the most famous superheroes and past 20 years. Playboy is like the third word you use to describe both of them every time. 

John: So we talked a little bit about how you think the college experience impacted by being single? More so in theory, in practice, in the school so far, what is being single, particularly in college taught you about yourself? Has it made you more independent, more lonely? made you feel any sort of way about your own, you know, internally?

Ava: I think I’ve had to learn how to use long stretches of time alone without feeling really lonely. Because I’m an introvert and I need time alone to recharge but without that one person to ground you and likecomfort you and give you the validation that someone’s there if you need them. It can feel a little bit just like strange to have hours by yourself, even if you know that’s what you need. 

Brendan: There are times where I feel slightly less valuable than other people. It’s just like, oh wait, this person’s in a relationship. And, like, I’m not the sound so sometimes I feel like not being in a relationship inherently means that I am less valuable, less desirable, less attractive in some way than people who are and that can hurt. But in the end, it has also helped me realize that like, look, it’s not necessarily a problem with me. It’s just that other people don’t find this as the thing they want and that’s okay.

Lexi: I think that I thrive on Independence And that I Well, I think that you really need to be so secure not only in yourself, but in what love you can give to another person and be like aware because being in a relationship is not just about getting support. It’s about giving support. And I think that you have to like being in a position where you’re willing to give and receive.

SO THERE IT IS, FOR ALL THE SINGLES OUT THERE. SOME PRETTY SAGE ADVICE, HUH? SEEMS LIKE THE GRASS IS ALWAYS GREENER, BUT MAYBE BEING SINGLE ISN’T SO BAD, OR MAYBE IT IS. WHAT DO I KNOW?

FOR WNUR NEWS, I’M JOHN FERRARA.