Flying Solo: Don’t Feel Bad if You See Me Alone

Picture this: you are eating alone, blissfully unaware that others might find it unusual. But then, you scroll upon an alarming TikTok. In the video, someone has decided to record a stranger eating alone and comment on how sad it is. Uncomfortably and self-consciously, you look around and wonder: do people here pity me?

[Sad TikTok guitar music with voiceover, “I saw this sad woman eating alone so I decided to brighten her day.]

This has been a recent dilemma of mine. As an introvert, I have no problem doing most things alone. But as a freshman, there has been this intangible cloud of social pressure that, since coming to Northwestern, has left me wondering: should I be socializing more? To make sure the video I’d stumbled across wasn’t a fluke, I searched “eating alone” on TikTok and was met with the following audios:

[Sad TikTok music with voiceover, “I’m just uncomfortable when I see someone dining alone. I think, ‘What are you doing?’”]

Accompanied by captions such as: “Why does eating by yourself feel so sad and lonely?” and, “There is nothing sadder than seeing old people eating alone,” and many, many videos with the hashtag, “sadmousemoment.” A reference of course, to the viral 2022 video of a claymation mouse eating M&M’s alone on the floor. 

[#sadmousemoment song]

But this all begs the question: what’s so sad about eating alone? I decided to find fellow students who fly solo and ask them about it to let everyone know: you don’t have to feel bad for the campus loners.

Medill freshman Gavin Fisk is a self-proclaimed introvert. I asked him about his experiences with other’s perceptions of introversion.  

GAVIN FISK: I’ve definitely felt judged, but I don’t know if it’s, like warranted. I don’t know if they’re actually like thinking like that, or if they’re just like, ‘why is that preferred?’ People have been like, ‘I don’t get that’.  

But he acknowledges that some of the self-consciousness doesn’t stem from others’ reactions. 

FISK: Being an introvert I think you think about yourself and how other people are thinking about you. So on some level I do think that’s in our heads.  

Interestingly though, when I asked Fisk if there’s anything he doesn’t like to do alone, his take contrasted mine. 

FISK: I don’t like eating alone. I don’t really have anything to do. 

There was only one thing I needed to find out from this fellow loner to see if we were, for the most part, on the same page about what it means to fly solo. 

KERRIGAN: If someone sees you alone, should they feel bad for you? 

FISK: No, not at all. 

So, according to Fisk, what some people may see as loneliness is the preferable choice for others. But what about the people who take going solo to other aspects of their day-to-day?

LILY KIM: I  heard the stereotype that Plex people are antisocial. I think it’s as social as you want it to be. 

That was RTVF sophomore, and self-proclaimed “Plex Princess,” Lily Kim. She has no problem living in a dorm full of single rooms, and she doesn’t think that choosing to be alone sometimes makes you a loner. 

KIM: There’s a societal stigma, like, people are scared to be alone, but I think it’s very healthy to get to know yourself, and I think it’s also great to be with people but don’t feel bad about being alone! Embrace it! Embrace your time with friends and family and others and embrace the time with yourself.

If Kim feels insecure about people seeing her as a loner, she doesn’t show it. When I asked if she feels judged for flying solo, her reply came with a shrug. 

KIM: Sometimes? But I feel like that’s just me projecting onto myself. I don’t think it’s that serious. No one cares!

Sometimes, even if you don’t consider yourself to be a loner, you can understand how people might see you that way. Medill Freshman Ashley Wong is 21 years old and from Singapore. She acknowledges that amongst the freshman class, she could be seen as an odd one out, but she told me she doesn’t feel like she is. 

ASHLEY WONG: I actually feel totally fine because I think college is the great leveling point. And everybody goes through the same thing everybody goes through Wildcat Welcome. Everybody goes through the introductory sequence. You know, we all go through the same things, feel the same experiences, and I don’t believe that age. is like the ultimate quantifier of how you experience life. If I ever feel lonely in school, it’s probably more because of other parts of my identity than where I live. 

And despite her decision to live in a single, she doesn’t think that makes her a loner either. 

WONG: The myths that people have Plex is like a prison Plex is like a jail cell Plex is like a loner’s place where nobody talks to each other in the hallways are dead. That’s completely wrong. To me it doesn’t matter whether I make friends with my roommate or whether I make friends with people in my dorm because I know I will make friends. I know I will make friends somehow I just don’t need it to be in my in my house. I am really someone that loves to isolate myself. That’s how I gain energy after spending energy with others.

For Wong, maturity plays a big role in how she thinks about social expectations and insecurities. 

WONG: I think it’s a confidence thing. I mean, I’m a bit older and everybody so I don’t really care so much about some things, because I’ve already been through that phase. I love eating by myself in the dining hall. I love walking outside by myself. I eat in downtown Evanston by myself. It doesn’t affect me at all because I’m aware of eating alone or, I don’t know, going to SPAC alone. Or whatever, doesn’t make you a loner, you know? And also what’s what’s what’s the what’s the big deal, right? I mean, everybody goes at their own pace and everybody it takes a while to develop a community. Of course there is that perception that people, especially with more, I guess, immature people would think that “Oh, someone’s eating alone. Someone’s someone chose to sleep in a dorm by themselves. Maybe they’re alone, or maybe they don’t have friends.” But I that’s like the last thing that I go to

So for anyone out there who may be overthinking their sad mouse moments or anyone who feels bad for us soloists, the sometimes–loners of Northwestern would like to remind you that for them, being alone isn’t lonely. It’s spending time getting to know yourself. 

For WNUR News, I’m Georgia Kerrigan.