For those not in a relationship, Valentine’s Day can be a difficult time. Paul O’Connor sat down with several single Northwestern students, to learn how they might grapple with feeling loveless, on the most romantic night of the year.
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IT’S VALENTINE’S DAY. FOR COUPLES, IT’S A CHANCE TO SPEND SOME QUALITY TIME TOGETHER, AND MAYBE EVEN POST ABOUT IT ON SOCIAL MEDIA. FOR EVERYONE ELSE, IT’S A DIFFERENT STORY.
Isabel Tolman-Bronski: [To be honest, I probably will not be going to people’s Instagram stories tomorrow just because I don’t need that. I don’t need the energy in my life. But other than that. And I don’t like mind seeing, like, heart decor. You know, I just don’t want to hear about your, like, relationship of eight years.]
IT CAN BE DIFFICULT TO AVOID REFLECTING ON ONE’S SINGLENESS DURING VALENTINE’S DAY. AND IT CAN BE EQUALLY DIFFICULT TO AVOID COMPARING ONESELF TO THOSE IN RELATIONSHIPS.
Isabel Tolman-Bronski: [Yeah. It’s like a sort of what’s wrong with me kind of vibe. Yeah. Or like, what am I doing wrong, I guess?…]
YESTERDAY, I SPOKE TO A GROUP OF NORTHWESTERN SECOND-YEARS ABOUT DATING AND SEARCHING FOR COMPANIONSHIP IN COLLEGE. FROM MARRIAGE PACTS TO DATING APPS, IT’S CLEAR THAT OPTIONS FOR FINDING LOVE IN COLLEGE AREN’T NECESSARILY AS CLEAR-CUT AS THEY MAY SEEM…
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I ASKED FIRST ABOUT HOW THEIR EXPECTATIONS ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS HAD CHANGED SINCE COMING TO NORTHWESTERN.
Stephany Martinez: [Okay, so coming into northwestern, like I didn’t think I’d find a job in my life, but I thought I would find someone like some, like I thought I’d find, like, maybe someone to date for a little bit. Like, maybe, like, have a couple boyfriends. Two years, and that hasn’t happened. And I, I’ve gotten more, like, stuck in, like, complicated, like, things and no relationship. So now, I still have hope that maybe in, like, the next, like, two years, I’ll find someone eventually, but I the hope is like, 10% like it’s gone. Like, I’m just like, I’m just assuming I’m going to jump from, like, complicated thing to complicated thing.]
Rachel Ramirez: [I came into northwestern with a boyfriend, so I definitely didn’t expect to find the love of my life here. But now, entering sophomore year single. It’s been definitely a very different experience. I would say, also, I, I don’t know if I’m expecting to find the love of my life here. Definitely not this year. Definitely not in the next. So, I don’t know, maybe senior year, my year, but I’m kind of just also meeting people, just having experiences, not trying to like, take things, take myself too seriously, or like just and just like enjoying like, this new freedom, I guess, that I have.]
I ASKED THEM NEXT ABOUT HOW DATING CULTURE WAS DIFFERENT IN COLLEGE, COMPARED TO WHAT THEY WERE USED TO IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Stephany Martinez: [I feel like there really is no even like dating culture at northwestern. I feel like the deepest and longest relationships I’ve seen last like a month and a half, which is like, I don’t know, like I feel like to Twin Ships or like where you get stuck in in northwestern and there’s like no actual dating culture. I feel like, I don’t know, I, I think it’s different than in high school, cause I think in high school, people were in relationships more rather than, like, situation chips and like complicated things.]
Stella Bishop: [I mean, I went to a pretty small high school. I think there was like 140 at my graduating class. So it was kind of similar to what this other person. Well said. Because it was like you kind of knew everyone. And like, if anyone was dating, like, everyone else knew. But I feel like almost in a way, like northwestern is kind of small, and it’s like, like I run into people that I’ve, like, gone on dates with or whatever, like, kind of all the time. So in that way it can be kind of difficult, like if you just have something casual with someone and then it like kind of ends, it can be a little awkward and weird. But also, I definitely agree that it’s it would be hard if you were looking for something pretty serious, because I think the vast majority of people probably aren’t in that stage right now, and it’s a lot of just casual on and off things.]
Will Kramer: [Starting off the main entry into the dating world, in college was kind of weird. Everything was new, and it’s tough to grapple with that. When you’re dealing with adults, and people who tend to have a lot of traumas and different issues that you have to navigate.]
I ASKED ABOUT THEIR EXPERIENCES ON DATING APPS AT NORTHWESTERN, AND IN WHAT WAYS THEY WERE OR WEREN’T FULFILLING.
Isabel Tolman-Bronski: [I feel like they’re not always super transparent about what they’re looking for until like, you meet them in real life]
Stella Bishop: [But you definitely have to be very one, like a shared in yourself and not feel super sensitive to other people’s perception of you. And then to you kind of just need to have low expectations.]
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FINALLY, I ASKED THEM WHAT ADVICE THEY WOULD GIVE TO THEMSELVES AS FRESHMEN, OR YOUNGER STUDENTS JUST STARTING OUT WITH DATING IN COLLEGE.
Stella Bishop: [Like I feel like you kind of have to cry. Cried out.]
Will Kramer: [And just to take it as you take anything else and not like, look super deep into things or get super worked up about something and just take it as it goes.]
Rachel Ramirez: [And that’s why one sentence I would say, just know what you want is the biggest thing. Know what you want for yourself. For a relationship, whether that’s something casual, something serious, know where you want and have the courage to step away from something. If it’s not, if that if it isn’t what you want or go after something if you know that it is.]
Stephany Martinez: [ So I would say to, be careful, but also just have fun with it. A lot of times, like even no matter what happens, just try to have a good time and, learn from it.]
Isabel Tolman-Bronski: [Just because you care about someone, that doesn’t mean you should let them pressure you into being in something you don’t want to be in. Don’t let anyone treat you in ways you don’t deserve to be treated.]
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BEING SINGLE, IT CAN BE DIFFICULT NOT TO FEEL LOVELESS ON VALENTINE’S DAY. BUT IT’S IMPORTANT TO REMEMBER THAT ROMANTIC LOVE, ISN’T THE ONLY TYPE OF LOVE THAT EXISTS.
FOR WNUR NEWS, I’M PAUL O’CONNOR.
