Versions of the game “telephone” have been around for centuries. But it’s more than just a silly childhood game. You didn’t hear it from us, but telephone–or gossip–as we call it in real life, is a cornerstone of human social interaction. Tillie Freed and Georgia Kerrigan will let you in on the secret.
First, a statement gets mumbled down a line of players. Along the way, they may or may not mischievously “mishear” and miscommunicate the tidbit. Then, what’s announced at the end sounds completely unrecognizable from what was first said.
Think you haven’t played telephone since elementary school? Chances are, you never actually stopped. It goes by a different name, but gossip is essentially the same game.
To hear about the woes—and even the pros—of gossip, I went where all age groups converge, and where whispers are welcome: the Evanston Public Library.
Samar is 32 years old. She said that she likes to listen to gossip, but she called gossip a generally negative thing.
[SAMAR]: It’s always felt very high school-y, even as an adult.
When I talked to Samar, she admitted that her recent gossiping had backfired.
[SAMAR]: I was actually just gossiping to my friend about my other friend this morning on FaceTime, and I think it got taken– I think they communicated and it got taken the wrong way. All I was doing was expressing care, and I think she got offended. This just happened this morning. So I’m like, maybe I shouldn’t say anything to anybody.
If games have rules, then gossip should too. But what exactly are the rules? And who gets to decide them?
[SAMAR]: I think it’s fine if you’re talking to someone who’s not also their friend. If I talk to a stranger about it, fine, but if I’m talking to like one of our mutual friends, then it gets back to her, that’s the problem. That’s what the problem is. It’s like a game of telephone, and things get misconstrued.
Samar’s not alone in her struggle to determine when to play the gossip game. 10-year-old Aara navigates the same question.
[AARA]: Sometimes I don’t pass on the gossip ‘cause I don’t want them to feel bad, and I don’t want them to get mad at me. But like, if it’s just a joke, then I tell it to other people. But like, if it’s like a crush, I won’t tell the person that they’re talking about.
But not everyone believes you can gossip harmlessly. Kevin is a 71-year-old Chicagoan. There’s no gray area in how he defines gossip: it’s the sharing of unverified or confidential information – and it’s something you never want to be known for.
[KEVIN]: You’d almost feel like sinking into a hole, so to speak. You just, you’d like to be above the fray. And I think you develop— when people trust you and you don’t violate they trust, then it begets more trust. Versus the person that trusts you something and then you violate that trust, and it’s kind of like they’re never going back to you with anything.
Kevin’s rule for gossip? Cut it off.
[KEVIN]: If they’re going down that path, you might just proactively say, ‘I don’t feel comfortable with where this is headed,’ you know, that’s kind of how I would stop it. And rather than it being like a 10-minute gossip session, you kind of get it at the beginning.
And if you let it spiral out of control? It can have big consequences as Aara notes.
[AARA]: Because if you tell the wrong person, then they’re gonna tell everyone in the entire school.
But if gossiping can be so bad, why do we do it? Here’s Aara’s mom, Ashuma.
[ASHUMA]: It is a way that people in our society bond.
And experts agree. Researchers from Stanford University and the University of Maryland published a study in 2024 about why gossip has endured over time within all sorts of social groups. For one, they found that gossip could be a survival tool that teaches us about others’ reputations and who we can trust. But it can also teach us how to behave properly, so we aren’t the subject of bad gossip. And when gossip seems like a game of telephone gone wrong, it’s still a form of entertainment, stress-relief, and social bonding.
But, how do we keep our game of telephone from turning harmful? Here’s Ashuma again.
[ASHUMA]: I think you just have to consider the person who’s being discussed. Just consider their feelings. And you know, is this something you’d be willing to say around them, or have them know that you said it? And how would that feel? So I suppose it’s tricky.
According to Merriam Webster, the word “gossip” originally comes from the Old English combination of god and sibb, which refers to someone of close personal and spiritual connection.
Kevin stays true to this etymology. He believes that if you’re giving away someone’s personal details, it should only be to your inner circle.
Under those parameters, he was able to process issues in his marriage with his friends.
[KEVIN]: So after about a year, there was about one or two couples I trusted in the neighborhood, and I actually asked them I needed some one on one time and share what was going on. But I didn’t feel if someone said, what were you sharing gossip with them. I was sharing them information that was affecting my life, and I didn’t have a sense of anybody I mean, it’s like you’re talking to yourself about it, but I just looking for some sense of support and some sense of feedback, like, what would you do?
Because as much fun as a game of telephone can be, nobody wants to get wires crossed.
[FREED]: Would you, like, say you want to gossip less in the future, when you get older?
[SAMAR]: Yeah. Yeah. [laughter] I’d want to listen to it less and also give it less. Yeah.
For WNUR, I’m Tillie Freed, with production help from Georgia Kerrigan.
